Faith

"...There are so many things in life that are better off unexplained -- why one needs to live only to die; why one falls in love only to get hurt a little later..."

-Ross, (HIV victim)

This is an excerpt from the novel of Mr. Louie Mar A. Gangcuangco entitled "Orosa-Nakpil, Malate", one of the most daring and most engaging novels that deals with the subject of Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) - Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (AIDS).

God taught me another lesson.

When one of my group mates in our research quitted, i wasn't scared but i felt a bit of fear when i realized that i have only less than a month to start all over again. I was with a friend then, Chenne, to bear with the problem. But I know God will never turn His back on us. We prayed and asked Him for guidance. We talked to our professor and asked him what to do. While our professor seemed to have no interest in helping us, i started to ask God to touch his heart until suddenly he told us that we should be ready of the challenges that the two of us are going to face for our thesis. We told him we are willing to do it together. Until he told us:

"gusto nyo ng topic? oh, eto topic..."

After telling us our research topic, we were so happy that he gave us a chance to do it together. Now we only have to do the first chapter overnight. I don't know why i feel so calm during the entire night with Chenne. I should've be panicking. I don't know how to do it and i was so happy that Chenne and I was able to submit the first chapter the next day. Though we only got some corrections, our professor said that he likes our introduction and that we only have to synchronize the ideas and change the theoretical framework. Thank God He gave us the wisdom, knowledge and encouragement that we need to finish it. I thank God for giving me Chenne, such a true friend.

I'm scared that one day, i would lost Chenne. Someone who understands me and knows my strengths and weaknesses. I love her as a friend. I hope that one day, when my head are full of white hairs, Chenne and I will just laugh at each other while reminiscing our younger years. But for now, i pray that we'll be able to finish our thesis first. :D

What lesson have i learned?

> That people will disappoint you but God won't. (Praise God)

> That God will never stop telling you what you SHOULD do. Nung narinig ko yung topic na binigay samin ng prof namin, sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Lord, talagang para sa akin ito and I know its from you."

> God will send angels for you. If we are only sensitive of Him, He is always with us. He is a living God. He sees us, hears us, feels our pain, anguish and prayers and most important of all, He has the right timing for everything. Medyo impatient lang ako most of the times na I feel that God is not there at all.

> Sa mga nangyari sa akin this past few days, I learned na God wants me to strengthen my faith to Him at napasakit na isipin na up to now, i'm still weak. UP TO NOW. Many times, i can't control being earthly to the point na I don't trust God's power and plans for me. I start to grumble, to complain and to ask God, "Lord, nasaan ka?" which is SO WRONG. As a Christian, I should learn to humble my self before God and to trust Him with His plans for me. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko after I realized these things.

> God wants me to "WALK THE TALK". I always tell my mom and lola to trust God's plans because He is our living God who knows everything pero i was the first one to show them that problems seem to overcome me. Baliktad na tuloy ang nangyayari, they are the ones who often tell me na to Trust God over all this problems i have in my life. "Behold, i have overcome the world." says the Lord. yan ang dapat kong tandaan.

> The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh. this is my favorite verse from the Book of Job. That Book taught me a lot of things especially nung nagkasakit ako and was diagnosed with an unknown illness na kinailangan kong magpa-biopsy but unfortunately hindi ko nagawa dahil bukod sa may kamahalan, praise God at gumaling naman sya sa inintake kong gamot. Up to now, hindi ko alam kung anong sakit ko but I know God has control of everything. And isa pang miracle at proof na God really exists in my life? whenever i'm tempted to do something, may nagmamanifest sa akin, truly God is reminding me na, "Luisa, my dearest daughter, focus on me, not to anyone else."

> God taught me na no one can ever help me except Him. One time, i was looking for this public office, Komisyon sa Wikang Filipino. I thought this person (someone i thought was special, hindi naman pala) can help me. Puro lang sya salita, hanggang sa I prayed to God,

"Lord, lead the way. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako dadalhin ng mga paa ko sa paghahanap ko ng opisinang ito."

Hanggang sa nahanap ko sya. Tsaka namang nagtxt itong taong ito. Eksaktong naitapak ko ang mga paa ko sa opisinang ito, tsaka nagtxt itong taong ito. isip isip ko nalang,

"Salamat nalang, tinuro na ni Lord." Same thing happened to me many times na i tried to cling on to other people pero wala sila nung kailangan ko nang tulong and I just thought na God is in that situation so I pray and then BOOM! Praise God! Darating ang answer tsaka namang labas nitong mga taong ito kung kelang tapos na. Pilipino nga naman, parang pelikula. dadating ang mga pulis pagkatapos ng ingkwentro sa pagitan ng bida at kontrabida tapos, yung mga nabaril na mga tauhan ng kontrabida na akala ko noo'y patay na, nahuli pa at naigapos. haizz.

Mejo magulo ang akda kong ito. kumplikado pa kasi utak ko ngayon e... daming iniisip. Siguro ang lesson ko na naman? Try to dwell your mind on things that are noble, true and right...Philippians?

haizz...i want to be a strong Christian, hindi ko alam kung paano. sobrang weak ko. pero I know God is in control of everything. Na there are things in life that better off unexplained. Why God is so GREAT, why He allows some things to happen and Why I was so Blessed that I have a living God.

Masaya akong maging bahagi ng research namin ni Chenne about sa Communication Approaches ng mga doktor sa mga HIV patients. siguradong marami akong matututunan sa panibagong kabanata ng buhay kong ito. Feeling ko kasi, may HIV ako sa pagkatao ko na nakuha ko sa mga taong dumaan sa buhay ko (nakatulong at nakasakit) at ngayong kinikilala ko na ang disease na ito sa thesis namin, gusto kong maging instrumento para mapuksa sya sa pagkatao din ng iba.

Ang masasabi ko lang, PRAISE GOD that He never left me in my journey. Gusto ko one day, makaharap ko ang aking creator face to face at maririnig ang mga katagang:

"Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Ayoko nang maabutan ang tribulation. Sana rapture palang, makasama nako.

Haizzz..dami kong gustong sabihin kasi, nagrambol tuloy ang idea dito.

To God be all the Glory!

About me

I’m a simple working student. At a young age of 10, I learned to be independent since my father left us. I learned how unfair life is but as time passes by, the anger that grew inside me all along, slowly melted away as God started to reveal Himself to me through the experiences that happened to me and through the people that came into my life. I’m not trying to be religious here (because I believe being religious is different from being spiritual), I just really want to share (every time I am asked to describe myself) how God greatly worked and is working in my life.

I never thought writing could bring changes not only in my life but in others as well.In elementary, I thought open letter was just a simple conversation from me to someone that I can’t talk with personally; Thought poems were just simple words that rhyme with how I feel on the moment that I wrote it.In high school, I thought essays were just an expression of me and of who I am; thought that prepared speeches were just a justification that despite the fact that I may be broken inside, I can show others that I have a strong determination to prove myself.But again, the plans of the tongue belong to the mortals but the final decision is with God.I learned that proving yourself to others would just disappoint you but proving yourself to God, will give you immortal satisfaction.Before, my works were focused on anger, on fear, on bitterness and on animosity because I wanted to tell others how I feel because of what happened to me.It reached other people but, in a way that the feelings that I wrote did not help them but burdened them as well and I was never happy with it. I caused others to feel the same anger that I felt.Eventually, I learned what God wants to teach me something, and eventually I learned to write articles that would lift up spirits. From being a bitter person, because of God, I am now a better person than I was before.

I love God. I love writing.I am just a simple working student who loves my life the way God writes it.

LIFESTYLE

“Thrift is of great revenue.”

Marcus T. Cicero

Being independent at an early age taught me a lot – especially in handling money. The most important thing that I've learned in life is to use the available resources at hand, rather than make a list of the things that you “want” to buy yet setting aside practicality. In my life where there are a lot of people who hunger for wealth, and more wealth, I do not want to go with “their” flow.I know that God will provide you the things that you need ‘because He knows what’s in your heart, but of course, He’ll give it if that will make you happy and at the same time, would glorify His name.

When it comes to fashion, I don’t go with the trend.I have my own self expression.Its so hard to adjust just to be accepted to the society you belong – when in fact, you don’t have to feel the “NEED” to “BELONG” because I believe we were not born to please everybody, but this doesn't mean that you’ll just wear anything that you feel that day but what I mean here is that, someone could still look appropriate without trying so hard just to say that you’re fashionable.

I believe being fashionable is wearing who you are. Because if you’re comfortable with what you are, no matter what the fashion of this world will tell you, you will still stand above the rest.

At the age of 17, my first ‘official’ work experience is at the Office of the Director General of the Technical Education and Skills Development Authority (TESDA).They have accepted me as a working student (God’s grace), and on a night shift! (Praise God!) Double blessing indeed. But it was not easy though.I thought I was an achiever all the time but God taught me lessons about failure. I have failed two subjects that fell on morning schedules at school.I think the most difficult part is to handle schedule.I have to go to school in the morning, then work at night, and most of the time, my boss goes home very late that I have no more time to sleep or take some rest, but its part of my job that’s why I have to bear it. Jeepneys became my bed, bus chairs became my pillows and the metro rail became my comfort for the nights that my eyes long for a restful sleep. But by God’s grace, for two years, I was able to survive each day.

As a working student at TESDA, I was assigned at the documents.I have an access to the Boss’ email accounts to monitor the queries of a lot of people who wants to avail opportunities being offered by TESDA. I also have to supervise all incoming and outgoing documents during my shift since problems may take place if the documents were not handled very well. Despite the pressure of being in the midst of two worlds, the world of school papers and office papers, by God’s grace, this December, my contract as a job order will end without any obligation left to them.

At present, I am currently enrolled at the College of Communication of Polytechnic University of the Philippines taking up Communication Research.My first choice was Accountancy since my average grade passed the requirement for that course and because Accountancy was the most known course in PUP, however, during the enrollment day, there was a pool of crowd on that course so I preferred to take another line which has lesser people and which was my Second choice at the same time – Mass Communication.When I was the next one to be interviewed, I was asked to take Communication Research because my Math grades in high school were fair enough to take that course.Though I insisted that I wanted to take Broadcast Journalism, the professor who interviewed me, (I never wanted to name her Prof. Malaya Abadilla, but she was the one), told me that I really belong to CommRes because of my grades.As a result of her endorsement to CommRes and because she insisted that in CommRes, it’s like taking up both journalism and broadcasting in one, I am now on my third year taking up Communication Research.

But no regrets, I have learned a lot in CommRes.I have learned to be both objective and subjective. But with CommRes, I have learned to weigh both of them as well.We were taught to analyze data and interpret them in a way that the information would be beneficial to the readers. We were also taught that research is not about using what you've learned to abuse others but to respect their lived experiences as a person and not as our participants or informants.We were taught to have an in-depth analysis of things that happen and to be critical to the event that is taking place.In Communication Research, I have learned that a simple communication does not end and it’s a continues process because every each of us has his/her own frame of references.

I only know the basic of using computer such as Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Adobe and other ‘basic’ applications in computer (I am not even familiar with others).I have practiced myself with it since I was working at TESDA because paper works are the most common thing that I do here.I stay long hours in the internet since my Boss used to ask me to search for various things and I stay even more because after the office works, its my time to do our assignments and projects and there are times when you have to relax your mind and take a break, that’s the time when I used to visit networking sites.

I first learned to write news articles in elementary, and then in the long run, I learned to broaden my writing scope through contests.I have won a number of writing contests when I was in high school, truly it was the most memorable days of my life because now in college, I have to focus myself both at work and at school.I have no more time to join contests but I still tried to spend some time to join the writing competitions in college and by God’s grace, I was able to bring home the bacon.But again, as a working student, it was difficult to place some time for extra curricular activities not like in high school so I have to set my priorities.At present, I give my time to write on the researches and articles that is needed for school but I still manage to take even a little while to write about things that just pop out of my mind.

When I was in high school, name an organization and I belong to them but not anymore, in college, as I have mentioned in my writing experience, as a working student, I have lesser time to join in organizations.Though I have joined some of them like our Circle of Research Enthusiast, the Philippine Heart Association and our College Newspaper, I have engaged no time to join organizations.

In seminars that I have attended, all of them are related to our field – Communication Research.I gained more knowledge about it.Aside from seminars related to school, I have also attended business-related seminars when a friend invited me.

Before, I was a grade conscious student.I was a dean’s Lister and was running for honor.But that was before.During that time, I don’t think I’ll ever need someone because I am already working, I know how to feed myself and to handle school at the same time without getting any failing mark. Maybe that was the reason that God taught me to take a break and take a realization that though I have my work and my good grades, I don’t have God in my life during those times and when I started to have difficulty in balancing my schedule and failed to come to my classes on time, I failed in two (2) of my morning subjects.It was painful because I thought I was already perfect in doing things.Since then I realized that I can’t just continue my life without God.I am still a university scholar because I was able to maintain my average grade but can no longer run for an honorable position because of the two (2) minor subjects but those “minor” subjects brought a “major” impact in my realization of life – that there are times that because of being conscious of what people will say about us with the awards that we received, or honor that we gained, we sometimes forget the most important person that we have to give back the Honor and Praises – GOD.

The Agony of Being Alone

The Agony of Being Alone
Ma. Luisa B. De Veyra
Originally created December 2006 - revised Oct.6,2009
Published in The Premiere, official English student publication of Makati High School

Have you felt being an outcast? Was there a time in your life that you felt you needed someone to talk to, someone to release all your problems and anxieties, but nobody wants to talk and listen to you? Have you ever felt that nobody seems to understand you and that the answer to all your questions seem to be somewhere else? Have you ever thought of being different; experienced being paranoid; thought that there aresome who wants to harm you and stop you from succeeding and in the end you'll realized that the only one whom you can trust is...YOURSELF.

Life is tough they say. It's a "survival of the fittest" (as what Darwin's theory states). It's something we need to fight for, a thing to be protected and watched over. But then, there is somewhat a calling to be with someone whom we believe to be ourselves.

I agree with Mr.John Ledbetter (a writer from Time Magazine,May 2006). He wrote that if we find ourselves excessively happy these past few days, we need to think about the things happening around us. Life seems to get tough as days go by. Everywhere we look, it seems like someone is telling us that success is impossible and the end is near.

Isn't he right? If we listen clearly to our soul and its complaints, the message is dogmatic. When we are anxious, theres the rise of declinologues-self appointed prophets who tell us how everything is falling apart and tell us what to do, turning us into a schizophrenic type of a person (someone who has a split mindset).

Fear then slithered through my being that made my stronghold shook!

"I'm scared."

I told myself as I was standing inside the four corners of my psyche. I thought I was fearless, a fighter as others believed that I am. But I learned that the most challenging part in my life is being a loner especially at times that I am in the midst of stupor and void of others. "This is worst that crowning yourself with thorns or scourging your body at the pillar." I then realized, Jesus himself did not compel for his physical sufferings but skirmished against the evil who tried to vanquish his forlorn soul. But He is not alone. He is with the "Father". He prayed and God was with Him. And now, He also wants the same for us at times when we feel apprehensive. Let's just call His name my friends, through prayers - a private communication with Him.

Having an introvert type of personality, I was influenced by the factors that I have experienced in my life.

First, JUDGEMENT. Its so hard when people try to put their personal biases to you and gets disappointed if we do not pass their own merits when in fact, they haven't even gave us a chance to show them what we have. In my case, it takes time for me to show my capacity. My personal problem is actually is that even I, don't know my real capacity in life. hehehe. Then follows CRITICISM. It happens when others try to evaluate us when the full package is yet to come. That's why I don't rely on first impressions (although there are times when this is true but in general? You really have to get to know someone before delivering your conclusion) because none of us has the right to outstrip other's being cause there is someone above all, who has the right to do that. The last but certainly not the least is DISCRIMINATION. It causes severe pain that could rasp inside our hearts.

Before going any further, just like to give an example. A concrete one. I am a job order (JO) here in TESDA. As a contractual employee and assigned in the night shift (thank God, my boss is nocturnal coz im still studying), there is a culture here that if you aren't a regular employee, you are an outcast. I work at the office of the Director General, I thank God that I am blessed with Bosses who were very kind and understanding. When it was my first week here, one of my officemate here (although I really don't treat them as officemates because I don't think I am worthy of being called an officemate) thats why I prefer to call them 'ate' or 'ma'am'. One of them gave me an old uniform since when I started to work here, an order to use the new uniform was ratified. So I used the one that they gave me. But when regular employees saw me, a number of them asked me if I am a regular employee and when they knew that I wasn't, they asked me why I was wearing a uniform and told me that that I should not wear it because its for regular employees only...and the rest is history.

Discrimination. Tsk.Tsk.Tsk. The worst thing in this society is the fact that it has put up its' own standards.

There are two standards of men. The "Blessed" and the "Forsaken". If you are on what they call the 'blessed', pursue your dreams and forget others but remember, there is someone who placed you there which you should not forget because in His eyes, we are all the same (just uniquely designed for His Kingdom). Do not forget, your moral responsibility to share your blessings or in ethical terms, Principle of Beneficence.

If you think you find yourself in what they call 'forsaken', take it as a challenge; defy your soul; pass their limits; combat the critic; dispute those who put you down; conquer for your own disposition because each of us has his own prerogative that no one has the supremacy to steal it. But remember, fight in the name of God cause if you will fight in the name of your human flesh's anger, you will never succeed no matter how fierce you are in the battle. You have to fight with your spirit guided by God's word to make sure you'll win the struggle.

"The entire world is a stage isn't it?" We just have to know our own entrances and exits. Lost in oblivion? Keep your spirits up! There is someone who always keeps an eye on each of us. Feel like lost in your battle? Don't be upset. Someone is just letting you rest for a while. Surrender your concerns up to Him and let him do the battle for you. Remember what He said one time? Just cast your burdens to Him and He will give us rest.

I just remember the story of Oprah Winfrey (one of the most influential people in the world). She is a business woman and a celebrity. She was a simple girl from Mississippi who grew up without electricity or running water but realized her promise to herself through education and achieved her dreams in liberty. She reminds me that we who flourish in freedom have a moral responsibility to help others who have the desire to gratis themselves and succeed but only need an opportunity. Despite her situation when she was young, she was able to endure it. God left us His message in our lives which must be shared with others too. Our lives are living testimonies of God's power if we only allow Him to control us. No one should be left alone.

Now, without beating around the bush, i just realized that my destiny has not given given its verdict on me and that the answers to all my questions are yet to come and that is for me to discover. "If I feel alone and someone feels the same too, then I am not alone after all."

Now is the time of planting the seeds for tomorrow and in God's will, I can sow and use to to free myself from being alone. You too, can do this.

"ROMANS 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Saturday morning, Sept.26,2009, I woke up early because i know that we are having our rehearsal for our finals in world literature subject major in theatre arts (",). Fortunately/Unfortunately? I don't know, that the moment i have stepped off my feet outside the dormitory, it was already raining cats and dogs. My groupmates, Dolly, Shiela and Jessica were already waiting at school and i just don't know what to do. I called Dolly to tell her the situation and i can feel it on her voice that she seems upset or what. Afterwards, i decided to go out despite the fact na even TESDA brick plaza was already flooded and a guard house in the navy was uprooted na parang kamote na nabunot, thank God at nakatalon ang guard na nasa loob to save himself. So I went out and conquered the heavy rains, wala namang kidlat, no problem, kaso hindi rin pala.

When I reached the gate, the cars, trucks and jeepneys were not moving anymore. they were all stuck on the road. a man with this two big plastic bags (paninda daw nya) told me that in Bonifacio area, the flood was already up to the chest. Naaawa ako kay manong coz' he's shivering. I wanted to go back to the dorm para kunin yung t-shirt ng TESDA just for him to feel some warmth kaso afterwards, a man with huge bags too, went near us (since nasa waiting shed kami both). So i thought, it would be unfair for the other man kung isa lang bibigyan ko ng shirt. (isa lang kasi yung meron ako na tesda shirt). so i chose not to give them both (although parang may kumikirot sa dibdib ko na nakikita silang nanginginig. di ko lang talaga alam papano dapat gawin sa mga times na ganyan - hati sila ng shirt?). So i went back sa loob ng TESDA when suddenly, there was this woman na sumalubong sakin sa pinto agad and ask,

"San ka pupunta?" She said

"Sa Sta.Mesa po sana"

"Wag ka na tumuloy. Hindi maganda lagay ng panahon pati lugar."

"kaso nakapunta po mga kaklase ko, nag-aantay po sila."

"Wag mo na bigyan ng alalahanin ang nanay mo."

Wow. i told myself. she knows that if ever there could be one person who is very concerned with me, it would me my mother. Pero syempre, babae sya at mejo may edad na so probably she feels what a mother feels, that is what i thought nalang kaya nya nasabing wag nang bigyan ng chorva si mama.

Pero nagmatigas ako.

"Thesis po kasi namin. Finals na sa Monday, di pa kami nakakapag-praktis ng presentation po."

at ito ang sinagot nya,

"wag ka na tumuloy. pag tumuloy ka pa, hindi ka na makakapag-thesis."

HUWAATT??? may himig pananakot si ateh eh?

Maybe she saw how i reacted on what she said kaya bigla nyang sinundan ng mga pahayag na:

"kasi tingnan mo oh, madilim ang kalangitan, nagbabadya ang panahon. umuwi kana".

si ateh, katakot talaga. "nagbabadya" daw. matindi pa sya sa PAG-ASA. grabe.

So I thanked her and decided to go back sa dormitory.

Hubad.

Palit damit.

Nuod.

Txt.

lakad-lakad.

higa.

nuod.

txt.

inom tubig.

silip sa bintana.

txt.

Ganyan katensyonado ang araw na yon for me. Oo. Then I called my classmate again telling her that i am going to be very very late.

i ask an officemate if theres any way to go to MRT coz from there, i know it would be easy to travel na. But the thing here is this, so my officemate told me all the possible means but the question is, what if yung mga sinabi nyang means ay impassible din for the jeeps, ets. e kung yung taxi nga, tumanggi na e. anyway, di ako nawlan ng pag-asa.

Bihis ulit.

palit damit.

labas.

nang nasa gate na ko, grabe si ateh kanina, ito ang salubong sa akin:

"Wag mo nang piliting kalabanin ang panahon hija, baka magsisi ka sa huli. umuwi ka na."

"Ahm, Oo nga po eh, tenkyu po te ha, kayo po? di po ba kayo uuwi na at masama ang panahon?"

sabay...

"Oo nga e, ito nga e, susubukan kong lumabas,"

ay si ateh eh?! todo pigil sa akin sya rin pala. hahahahaha

di ko lam kung biglang nawala yung ispiritung pumasok sa katawan ni ateh eh. hahahaha

pero hinabol din naman nya ang mga pahayag na,

"Wag ka na tumuloy. uwi ka na. ako din nga e, di maganda talaga panahon."

That's it.

ginawa ko na magagawa ko para makaalis pero sadyang malinaw ang mensahe, wag na akong tumuloy.

And you know what? thankful ako kasi papano ako makakauwi kung nagkataon. pero i felt guit inside me nung nalaman kong na-trap yung mga kaklase ko sa skul. iniisip ko, dapat isa ko sa nandun e, pero wala, nangyari na eh.

"nangyari na eh."

isang line yan sa script ng play na ipe-present ng grup namin. ang totoo, masama loob ko kasi they've junked my work na parang trapo. they didn't even gave me a chance to express my ideas, laging may blockings na itatapon saken. and i understand why. Pero akin nalang yun. in the end, i realized, only REAL FRIENDS will understand you without judging you, will give you time to explain without stabbing you at the back and will give you advices para maintindihan mo ang situation. thank you CHENNE. You're a good friend.

wala lang, share ko lang ito.

just a simple evidence na God works in our lives. He's in control. we just have to listen to Him and be aware of the angels that He's sending us everyday of our lives.

P.S. Sabi ng isang officemate ko, yung Ondoy disaster daw happened diba, Sept.26, 2009 - 09/26/09 - 969 - recognize something?

I don't wanna be there...

Last Saturday, my mother and I went to Christ Commission Fellowship's (CCF) 25the Anniversary at the Araneta Coliseum. We attended the 3 pm service. It just came into my mind after the service on why i didn't invite my aunt and cousins. hai... sayang, they weren't able to experience it and IT's MY FAULT. hai. next time. anyway, going back to the title of this blog...

"...I don't wanna be there..."

This was taken from song of Mr. Gary Valenciano. He performed this at the stage and everytime he reaches this part of the song, I am touched. The song goes like this, someone feels like he is a dark pit and feels like she was all alone with no one to share her thoughts with and it is only with God when that person has been freed from that fark pit. And after that, the person now always ask for God's guidance for her to be able to cope up with life's tests and she always tells God that She doesn't want to be there in that dark pit.

Sounds like I was that person huh?

haha. Well, maybe. Its how I felt when Mr. Pure Energy sang that.

That's my interpretation.

You know, sometimes, there are times in our lifes that we feel like we are all alone in the battle. Like no one hears our cry, our voice, like nobody listens and nobody is there to comfort you and just so amazing that the message that I have hear from our Pastor, Pastor Tan Chi was very clear. If you will expect everything here on earth, you will just be disapointed. i learned a lot of things this past few days and I don't even know how to share those things. Going back, if you will expect everything here on earth, YOU WILL JUST BE DISAPPOINTED.

for examples:

1. If you expect that your earthly will be with you as you grow, you'll just be disappointed. My father left us for another woman and the worst, he left us without anything to start on to.

2. If you expect that your brother will be your protector if your father will leave, you'll just be disappointed. My brother married at an early age. But, I don't blame him for falling in love and having its fruit at the age of 23.

3. If you expect that your friends will stay with you, you'll just be disapppointed because for me, some will just come...and leave you like you never were...friends.

4. If you expect that you can maintain honor? You'll just be disppointed. Since i was a kid, i thought i could maintain the state of being an achiever. Not until I reached the point when I had a failing mark. Feels like i don't know where to start OR should i still continue? Life has no meaning after that for me. Not until I realize that i should not expect from getting a high grades since i am a working student. The reason why i wanted to have high grades is because i wanted to change to impression that if you are a working student, it will be an excuse for you to have a lot of failing mark. But I realized, I cannot make history after all...I am just an ordinary human...capable of failing. So be it. i am a working student and i have a faling mark.

5. if you expect life will be about WORK-MONEY-POWER relationship, you will be disppointed. Why? Because life is not about it. Life is about finding God's purpose of placing you where you are right now.

But here's the thing:

If you will expect that you have a FATHER in heaven who LOVES you immeasurably, who knows all you need, and provide you everything, you will just feel like you are the most BLESSED daughter/son here on earth.

But If you will expect that aside from that, you got a BROTHER who is always there to defend you, support you and to give you advice, WOW! what a happy feeling you'll have to be the younger child.

But if you will expect that you have a BESTFRIEND who is always there to listen to you, to comfort you at times of distress and who is always there to give you and advice on all your problems and is always there to show you that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. My friend, you would rather expect who am I describing here.

If you will expect that in life, its not about the honors, the medals, ther certificates or the awards that you have received that will measure how good you are. It is about how you utilize that knowledge, talent, abilities for making others feel how blessed they are that someone offered His Life for us to use these gifts.

And if you will expect that life is all about doing God's purpose for you, glorifying Him with the way you do everything, making him happy by knowing Him more for you to be able to share it with others and above all, knowing that He is the AUTHORITY...you will see... my friend, problems will be of no place in your life. Although challenges are everywhere, if you know that you have a GREAT GOD, you have to fear no one except for Him.

Remember, Psalm 56:

“In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;
I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

What can man do to me? NOTHING.

I have GOD. A Father, a Brother, a Bestfriend, a Teacher, and a GREAT GOD.

I know for myself that God is always there for me cause...

I don't wanna be there.

The Reason

I was trying to look for the reason;

dying to search for the truth.

I was mourning looking for the reason;

Bleeding to hear the truth.

I was weeping after I found the reason;

cause it led me to where the truth is.

I was renewed when I found the reason;

cause I realized...

every tries...

every mourn...

every weep...

led me to the truth that I was looking for...

the truth was just there

it was in my eyes

I never thought because of the lies

that my life has lived

in the sins of below the skies

the truth was within me

cause the truth WAS in my heart

and my heart was not able to hear

cause my ears WERE shut

my eyes WERE close

my mind was dead

He told me the reason

He showed me the reason

He WAS looking at me since it has began

Because the reason,

was the cause

and the cause

was ME

"Huwag mong bitawan a!"

June 29, 2009
7:15pm

This was what my Boss told me tonight after i have told her the status of the assignment that she has given me two weeks ago. The assignment given to me was to clear with the Presidential Management Staff specifically, to the staff of Secretary Silvestre Bello about the memorandum that they have given Secretary Syjuco re: Rationalization of Domestic and Foreign Scholarship programs and after that, make a conplete staff work (CSW). Whenever my Boss gives me an assignment, I feel very honored to accomplish it. Why? Because it makes me feel that a person like her, someone holding a high position in TESDA, believes in me. That even if I am just like this, a simple student without nothing to hold with in terms of educational attainment (since I am still a student. a "working student" specifically), she still believes that I can accomplish simple tasks like this.

I remember the very first assignment that she gave me, that was to make a status report on the deliveries of various tools and equipment made between TESDA and V.G. Roxas company, that was the first time that i went to other office to interview Dir.Butad (TESDP head) and gather the needed information. Wala lang, I just felt SOooo Happy after submitting her my report and then put it in our file. : P It may sound so funny that I was so happy though it was forwarded to our file but my point here was, I was able to make it. And nothing makes someone happy in every task if someone gives 100% of what he has.

Now, going back to what our Boss told me, "Huwag mong bitawan a!". for a simple employee like me, it just inspires me a lot that your boss trusts in you and believe that you can make it.

Just like what Jonas Salk once said and I quote;

"The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more."

In every tasks that was given to us, dapat na DI NATIN BITAWAN unless we know that we have given our 100% effort coupled with our whole heart.

:P