Ma. Luisa B. De Veyra
Originally created December 2006 - revised Oct.6,2009
Published in The Premiere, official English student publication of Makati High School
Have you felt being an outcast? Was there a time in your life that you felt you needed someone to talk to, someone to release all your problems and anxieties, but nobody wants to talk and listen to you? Have you ever felt that nobody seems to understand you and that the answer to all your questions seem to be somewhere else? Have you ever thought of being different; experienced being paranoid; thought that there aresome who wants to harm you and stop you from succeeding and in the end you'll realized that the only one whom you can trust is...YOURSELF.
Life is tough they say. It's a "survival of the fittest" (as what Darwin's theory states). It's something we need to fight for, a thing to be protected and watched over. But then, there is somewhat a calling to be with someone whom we believe to be ourselves.
I agree with Mr.John Ledbetter (a writer from Time Magazine,May 2006). He wrote that if we find ourselves excessively happy these past few days, we need to think about the things happening around us. Life seems to get tough as days go by. Everywhere we look, it seems like someone is telling us that success is impossible and the end is near.
Isn't he right? If we listen clearly to our soul and its complaints, the message is dogmatic. When we are anxious, theres the rise of declinologues-self appointed prophets who tell us how everything is falling apart and tell us what to do, turning us into a schizophrenic type of a person (someone who has a split mindset).
Fear then slithered through my being that made my stronghold shook!
"I'm scared."
I told myself as I was standing inside the four corners of my psyche. I thought I was fearless, a fighter as others believed that I am. But I learned that the most challenging part in my life is being a loner especially at times that I am in the midst of stupor and void of others. "This is worst that crowning yourself with thorns or scourging your body at the pillar." I then realized, Jesus himself did not compel for his physical sufferings but skirmished against the evil who tried to vanquish his forlorn soul. But He is not alone. He is with the "Father". He prayed and God was with Him. And now, He also wants the same for us at times when we feel apprehensive. Let's just call His name my friends, through prayers - a private communication with Him.
Having an introvert type of personality, I was influenced by the factors that I have experienced in my life.
First, JUDGEMENT. Its so hard when people try to put their personal biases to you and gets disappointed if we do not pass their own merits when in fact, they haven't even gave us a chance to show them what we have. In my case, it takes time for me to show my capacity. My personal problem is actually is that even I, don't know my real capacity in life. hehehe. Then follows CRITICISM. It happens when others try to evaluate us when the full package is yet to come. That's why I don't rely on first impressions (although there are times when this is true but in general? You really have to get to know someone before delivering your conclusion) because none of us has the right to outstrip other's being cause there is someone above all, who has the right to do that. The last but certainly not the least is DISCRIMINATION. It causes severe pain that could rasp inside our hearts.
Before going any further, just like to give an example. A concrete one. I am a job order (JO) here in TESDA. As a contractual employee and assigned in the night shift (thank God, my boss is nocturnal coz im still studying), there is a culture here that if you aren't a regular employee, you are an outcast. I work at the office of the Director General, I thank God that I am blessed with Bosses who were very kind and understanding. When it was my first week here, one of my officemate here (although I really don't treat them as officemates because I don't think I am worthy of being called an officemate) thats why I prefer to call them 'ate' or 'ma'am'. One of them gave me an old uniform since when I started to work here, an order to use the new uniform was ratified. So I used the one that they gave me. But when regular employees saw me, a number of them asked me if I am a regular employee and when they knew that I wasn't, they asked me why I was wearing a uniform and told me that that I should not wear it because its for regular employees only...and the rest is history.
Discrimination. Tsk.Tsk.Tsk. The worst thing in this society is the fact that it has put up its' own standards.
There are two standards of men. The "Blessed" and the "Forsaken". If you are on what they call the 'blessed', pursue your dreams and forget others but remember, there is someone who placed you there which you should not forget because in His eyes, we are all the same (just uniquely designed for His Kingdom). Do not forget, your moral responsibility to share your blessings or in ethical terms, Principle of Beneficence.
If you think you find yourself in what they call 'forsaken', take it as a challenge; defy your soul; pass their limits; combat the critic; dispute those who put you down; conquer for your own disposition because each of us has his own prerogative that no one has the supremacy to steal it. But remember, fight in the name of God cause if you will fight in the name of your human flesh's anger, you will never succeed no matter how fierce you are in the battle. You have to fight with your spirit guided by God's word to make sure you'll win the struggle.
"The entire world is a stage isn't it?" We just have to know our own entrances and exits. Lost in oblivion? Keep your spirits up! There is someone who always keeps an eye on each of us. Feel like lost in your battle? Don't be upset. Someone is just letting you rest for a while. Surrender your concerns up to Him and let him do the battle for you. Remember what He said one time? Just cast your burdens to Him and He will give us rest.
I just remember the story of Oprah Winfrey (one of the most influential people in the world). She is a business woman and a celebrity. She was a simple girl from Mississippi who grew up without electricity or running water but realized her promise to herself through education and achieved her dreams in liberty. She reminds me that we who flourish in freedom have a moral responsibility to help others who have the desire to gratis themselves and succeed but only need an opportunity. Despite her situation when she was young, she was able to endure it. God left us His message in our lives which must be shared with others too. Our lives are living testimonies of God's power if we only allow Him to control us. No one should be left alone.
Now, without beating around the bush, i just realized that my destiny has not given given its verdict on me and that the answers to all my questions are yet to come and that is for me to discover. "If I feel alone and someone feels the same too, then I am not alone after all."
Now is the time of planting the seeds for tomorrow and in God's will, I can sow and use to to free myself from being alone. You too, can do this.
"ROMANS 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
